11/10/2005

Accommodations

Thank you everyone for all your gracious comments and support. I shed a few tears reading your comments and really do feel like I am not alone. Reading your comments also made me wonder whom this brave and strong girl is. She can’t be me.

When I have a low blood sugar episode like the one yesterday that left me crying at my desk because I couldn’t complete a simple letter requested by my boss, I just don’t think I can do it. My mind hazy and thick with pressure from not enough blood getting to my brain, thoughts so jumbled they would not translate in to spoken words, hands shaking, hot and sweaty; all I could do was cry. I was scared that many more lows like this at work could possibly cost me my job. I continued to blubber uncontrollably because I hate diabetes so much at that moment that I wished for any other ailment. Anything but this.

“Cut me out of this role. I can't play it anymore.”

These lyrics from Better Than Ezra mimic how I feel about the big D. The role is not a good fit for me. I am too laid back, too reckless and far too undisciplined for the role of a diabetic. This role should have gone to someone who is stronger than me. To someone who is able to just build a bridge and get over it, as my husband likes to say. You should have given this role to a person who does not have the mental block that I seem to have. Give it someone who is better equipped to play the role.

I like the idea of accommodating diabetes rather than accepting it. Acceptance somehow feels like resigning yourself to fate or the role of the victim. Accommodate, yeah, I think I can do that. Almost as if I am providing housing, make that temporary accommodation, for diabetes and the nicer the lodgings I provide the less it will complain. Make no mistake, though, I do not share my body with this disease by choice, but I think I can accommodate it until there is a cure.

So here’s to being the Ritz Carlton of bodies for diabetes to use, for the time being.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Your concept of accomodating diabetes is absolutely wonderful! Puts a whole new spin on it. You provide a space for it, and as hostess, want to make the space welcoming by eating right, exercising - all that good stuff. The kicker is the lack of permanence. Blog on!
Nars

Maura said...

I can help you with your links if you want to add some. Just log in, change settings, click on template, then you either look for Google news or do Control F for Find and do good, just change the 2 Edit-Me links and say save template changes. Then republish your blog.

AmyT said...

Hi Melissa,
Nice new blog here. I have added you to my blogroll. Would you kindly also add the www.diabetesmine.com to yours as well?

Best,
AmyT

Anonymous said...

Melissa,
I love reading your blog. Its great to see people like me telling their stories to the world. (I live in Cleveland, too! Small world...) I too added you to my blogroll. If you wanted to add www.diabetesdaily.com to yours that would be fabulous!

Congratulations and Good Luck!

Elizabeth

Johnboy said...

Hey Melissa, I just discovered your blog today and think that you offer a valuable perspective to our O.C. group!

I am going to add you to my links list.

I absolutely loathe a low. It pisses me off, and is often the result of an error on my part (which also pisses me off). Your accomodation concept is a good one.

Here's to puttin' on the Ritz!!

Kerri. said...

Are you still around, Melissa?

Shannon said...

I'm not sure if you're checking in for comments, but here's mine.

Cope with this damned thing any way you can. How ever you think of diabetes, whether it's by accepting it or accomodating it, if it helps you to take better care of yourself, then think it.

People who don't have diabetes don't take care of themselves properly. They more often than not eat what's bad for them, don't exercise, etc, etc.

Now top that with diabetes. Feeling like crap when you're high and feeling disoriented when you're low and trying to take care of yourself properly is to me nearly impossible.

Having to do this everyday of your life without fail. Well, let's just say that it's super hard being diabetic.

I manage my son's care, but I do it when I'm feeling fine. If I feel like crap like when I'm sick, then my husband does it.

Don't beat yourself up for not being disciplined or strong. You're strong for merely getting on with your life and for thinking of ways to cope with having diabetes.

I hope you write more. It helps to get encouraging comments from readers and to know that they have the same feelings you do.

Sandra Miller said...

Melissa,

Just checking in to see how you are doing... Also, to let you know that I thought this was a wonderful post-- one that has helped me gain a better perspective on this disease, and it's role in my son's life.

If you feel up to posting, please do so-- I know that many of us will definitely be reading.

Take care,

Sandra