2/07/2006

I'm back...

So...I took a little break. The break from blogging was not deliberate, per say. The holidays came around, work got really busy...and well, life happened. After the holidays I had plenty of time, but by then I was questioning whether I had anything original to say (more on my longing to be different, yet the same later) in this huge world of d-bloggers. So I procrastinated some more. I'm really good at the whole procrastination thing, by the way. By then I had started slipping into, well probably more like crashing into my old ways of not dealing with the diabetes, and was obviously not in the mood to conjure up something witty about the disease for the entire world to see. Diabetes was tucked way back in the far recesses of my conscience and only accessed when completely necessary to do so. My body was nowhere near to being the Ritz Carlton of places for diabetes to stay; more like some seedy roadside motel that offers rooms by the hour.

I had given myself permission to be a slacker because I knew I would be going back on the pump soon and that then I would have to be good. I would be using the (new to me) Paradigm 715 pump with the Paradigm Link blood glucose meter that sends the readings right to the pump and has the Bolus Wizard to figure out your insulin dose for you and then all the information could be uploaded to your computer and combined to give you reports etc. on all your information. No more trying to combine information from several places or having to write it all down on my own. It would take care of some of the annoying little details that I absolutely hate doing such as calculating, correction, and carb doses and then not having one place that stored all of my results, as well as providing useful reports. I was very excited. I even wanted to blog about it.

But by then it felt like it had been too long since I had written to just throw another blog out there. It’s not like anyone would notice or care. I’m not some profound writer. In fact, I am only able to post my entries after an awesome friend who makes them look better has proofread them. I haven’t conquered my diabetes demons so I don’t have great advice to offer others. I’m just a girl with this disease called diabetes that has been my nemesis for as long as I can remember trying to figure out how to live in harmony with it. I have sorted through my complicated feelings about writing this blog for other people; worrying about what they think, or if it is witty enough. I have remembered that I am doing this for me.

Well, ok, not so little a break, but I’m back!!!

4 comments:

Sandra Miller said...

Melissa,

Terrific, honest post.

I'm so glad you're back, and that you realize this blog is your space-- where you can write whatever and whenever you want.

And please know that I am here to read about a girl who's just "trying to figure out how to live in harmony" with this disease.

Because down the road, my son will be trying to do the same thing.

Scott K. Johnson said...

Hey Melissa,

I agree with Sandra - it's your blog and your space - it should not be a(nother) "pressure" to deal with. We will enjoy your posts whenever you have the time & energy to post them - no obligation!

Glad you're back!

Elizabeth said...

Melissa-
I have been checking back here weekly to see whether or not you had updated your blog! Trust me, you have people reading. And at the very least, you're getting your feelings out there, which can be equally theraputic.

Thank you for your honest words. I know that sometimes its hard to come up with something "different" than everyone else has. This disease is so very personal and yet we all have similar things going on with it. But, you know, its nice to hear that I'm not alone.

Keep up with your writing! And believe you me, people will love to stop by and read. I know I am one of them!

Kerri. said...

Melissa,

I echo the sentiments of the other comments ... I've been checking back regularly to see if you've updated. I'm glad you're back to posting!

Kerri.