This is the Way My Mind Works

I had a crazy morning. Got to sleep in a bit since I had an appointment with my therapist at 11:00 a.m. and would not be going into work until after that. Well, I slept in a little too much and in my rush to leave the house I forgot my blood sugar machine. This, I did not notice, until after the appointment when I got to work & was starving. I am going to meet a friend for coffee after work and was thinking I should have a game plan of what to get to drink, choose something not too awful and check the carbs before I get there. Before I could type in the web address I thought well, why bother with all that when I will have no idea what my blood sugar is anyway so why bother with all that. I’ll just guesstimate. This is the way my mind works.

There are days when my blood sugar has been all over the place and instead of playing it safe and eating something healthy, I instead look at it as an opportunity to splurge since my blood sugar is already not perfect. That’s my justification. I don’t know why I think this way. I was telling my therapist today that I seem to make bad decisions and she pointed out that they were choices. I agreed with her, but asked her “what do I do when I am in the moment, with a choice and I am leaning towards the bad choice?” She told me that at that point I should stop and figure out what emotions I am feeling before making that choice. Is that really possible? For these many (millions) of little diabetes decisions we have to make every day?

So I guess my best choice about the coffee and the carbs is to make a reasonable selection, know how many carbs that particular choice has and bolus for that amount then deal with the blood sugar testing when I get home. It is not the end of the world & I am not perfect.


Scott K. Johnson said...

Hmm, very interesting about the little diabetes decisions.

I'm going through the same thing with my therapist as well. She suggested that I get in the habit of checking in with myself about why I'm doing something. It's a very strange concept to me, because most of the time I say "because I want to!". But why do I want to? That is the question.

I have trouble with my eating, and it's all those little choices, like you say.

I'll share what I'm comfortable with of my story, as it develops and I learn more about myself, and I hope you will do the same.

art-sweet said...

It's so hard to slow down and recognize those moments as a chance to make a choice. I don't usually think about the choice until after I've made it and I'm pissed at myself... did'ya really need that second piece of cake (or the first one)? It almost seems like I blank out for a minute until after the decision is made.