I've Got My Life to Live

Still thinking about the first person I ever knew who died from diabetes; from ‘my’ disease. She finally passed away Friday night. I feel so awful thinking about her family at her side, just waiting for the inevitable. My husband was waiting at home with dinner on the stove, a bottle of wine in the fridge and arms open wide to fold me in.

Damn, I was naïve. I never actually thought about people with diabetes dying. It’s a bit of a shock when reality rears its ugly head. Logically I knew it could happen, I’ve seen the stories of ‘other people’ but not someone I actually knew who lived with the disease. They were supposed to have a cure by now! They (top diabetes researchers from around the world) told me when I was 16 that there would be a cure within 10 years. Well, times up, what happened to the cure? This is a disease we manage, hate, rebel against, and live with not one we die from! That’s a cruel twist you don’t actually die from the disease Diabetes Mellitus. No, only from other horrible things like heart disease, heart attacks, kidney failure, etc. caused by the disease. But, surely there will be a cure before any of that can happen to me or to anyone I personally know, right? Right? When you told me, in your effort to scare some sense into me in my teens, about the horrible complications that could happen to me I thought you only meant to old people who didn’t manage their disease. This disease CANNOT cut my life short. I’ve got things to do! I want to be a mom and a grandma and finish school and go to Ireland and grow old and senile with my husband! I’ve got a niece on the way who I need to watch grow up! I’ve got to…..I’ve got my life to live!


Shannon said...

I'm so sorry about your friend.

You'll get to do all those things you said you want to do. You'll see :)

Sandra Miller said...

Melissa, I've spoken to and read of people with diabetes who have lived -- and are still living -- long and healthy lives.

Despite having had the disease for decades.

You just don't know what will happen.

The best thing, I think, is to take care of yourself and assume that you WILL live a long and healthy life.

Yes, I know-- easier said than done.

But really, it's all we can do.

Anonymous said...

Ok ... Bright Eyes ... growing old with you makes me smile but ... going senile with me? laughing ... some might say we are all ready. I promise with God as my witness to help you achieve those goals you have set for yourself (ourselves). Keep those bright eyes shinning that’s all I need. Love You!

Anonymous said...

You really are the most amazing person, Lis. Your strength and good humor (and those of us who love you dearly) will get you through. You'll have nieces and nephews and duaghters and sons and you and K and I will watch them grow up to become the fabulous people that we've all become. Life is not without its struggles and while I don't want to minimize the impact this death has had on you, let it guide you to a greater purpose and understanding.

Kerri. said...

I am so sorry about your friend.

I wish I had something comforting to say ... but I can say that your fears resonate with me and I understand where you are coming from.

Find solace where you can, my friend. My thoughts are with you.